Safe Space For Emotional Regulation

Little Monkey, a foster child in our care, had a developmental disability that manifested in explosive temper tantrums. These outbursts often resulted in self-harm and injury to anyone within reach. To help him learn to self-regulate, we decided to create a safe space for him.

Safe spaces are a valuable tool in trauma-informed care and social-emotional learning. A safe space is simply a designated area in a home or classroom where a child can retreat to self-regulate when feeling overwhelmed.

What is a Safe Space?

The National Autism Implementation Team (NAIT) emphasizes several key characteristics of effective safe spaces:

Accessibility: The space should be readily accessible for the child to go to independently whenever they feel the need.
Availability: The safe space should be consistently available for the child to use for as long as they need it.
Personalization: It should be tailored to the specific child’s needs and preferences, not a shared space with others.
Peace and Quiet: When the child is in the safe space, others in the house should provide them with time and space for self-regulation. Ideally, the child should choose when to leave the space.

Additional guidance on creating safe spaces for children with autism at home can be found at Thirdspace.scot written by the National Autism Implementation Team 2020 “NAIT Safe Space at Home Guidance.”

Reference: https://www.thirdspace.scot/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/NAIT-Staying-at-Home-Safe-Space-Guidance.pdf.

Tips for Making a Safe Space

Equip the safe space with…

comfort items like soft blankets, pillows, stuffed animals
calming sensory items such as stress balls, coloring books, or quiet toys
visual aids like emotion charts or calming pictures can also be helpful for children to identify their feelings.

While providing support, it’s important to let the child know you are there for them but also give them the space to calm down on their own.

Teaching calming techniques like deep breathing exercises (teaching should ONLY take place when the child is calm) can further empower them to manage their emotions.

Safe Space for Children with Special Needs

Conscious Discipline also offers recommendations for adapting safe spaces to meet the unique needs of children with special needs. Their suggestions include:

maintaining physical proximity
establishing clear boundaries for the space
minimizing distractions
incorporating sensory integration tools
Social stories explaining “What to do in the Safe Space,”
Time limits for children with social anxiety
Various prompts (visual, auditory, verbal, and modeling) to support
To read more ideas refer to Conscious Discipline’s “Safe Place Sensory Integration Signs” produced by Conscious Discipline found at the “Early Childhood Options” website

Reference: https://www.earlychildhoodoptions.org/_files/ugd/0dbca4_dcf01e52d34e44968f46fb3208da084e.pdf?index=true.

For a safe space to truly be safe, the key is to approach the safe space as a tool for calming, not as a punishment.

Adapting the Safe Space: What Worked For Us

Not every temper tantrum escalated to violence, but anything could trigger an outburst. We consistently offered the safe space whenever he exhibited signs of distress.

The limited space in our house combined with our little one’s potential for destructive behavior presented challenges.

Location: We created his safe space in a corner of the kitchen. We were not able to make it “cozy” or enclosed because we needed it to be wide open to intervene if necessary.

Safety: We did include a layer of padded floor mats to prevent injuries during head-hitting episodes.

Visual Boundary: the floor mats also offered a visual boundary to define his space.

Intentional Ignoring: The key to mastering the art of appearing not to pay attention while maintaining close observation is to be “busy” playing on my phone or cleaning the kitchen, otherwise just sitting watching him made me feel like I needed to do something.

Sensory input: It is hard to find tool for sensory input that cannot be weaponized in an angry outburst.

Safe sensory items we used:

fuzzy blanket
scratchy towel
baby wipes
trial sized bottle of lavender baby lotion
vanilla scented teething toy

Sing a familiar calming song: We used many Daniel Tiger Songs: How to Say “No” in a Non-threatening Way Using Daniel Tiger Songs

Did it work?

Creating a safe space for Little Monkey was a journey with uncertainties. While the effectiveness in calming him down was not always consistent, the times when it did work made all the effort worth it.