How to Teach Your Child to Walk Without Pushing.

The Gentle Dance: To Push or Not to Push When Teaching New Skills

When you’re teaching a little one a huge new skill—like walking—you inevitably wonder: Do I push? Do I not push? How hard is too hard? It’s a tension I constantly face as a Special Instructor in Early Intervention, and I know every parent feels it, too. We want our children to succeed, but we also don’t want to create fear.

When a Fall Teaches, and When a Fall Scares

Last year, my family was lucky enough to foster a baby we called Little Pumpkin. She was a little delayed in her gross motor development, so we made it our mission to give her endless floor time. She mastered sitting, then standing at the couch, and she loved to stand!

Little Pumpkin was naturally curious, using her environment to explore pulling to kneel and standing. But taking steps was scary; it threw her off balance and led to tumbles.

My older daughter, eager for Little Pumpkin to walk, started guiding her a little too enthusiastically. She held her hand, tugging her forward, which often resulted in a messy tumble. After one of these falls, I struggled to find the right words to explain to my daughter why pushing wasn’t helping.

I finally stammered out the thought that became a core principle for me:

“If she falls when you push her, she learns to be afraid, but if she falls when she does it herself, she learns what doesn’t work and will be happy to try again.”

That distinction is everything.

If she falls when she does it herself, she learns what doesn’t work.

When a baby learns to walk, she’s performing dozens of tiny, essential experiments. She is using her body to gather data on her environment: If I shift my weight this way, I stay up. If I try to step and my weight is too far back, I fall. Her little scientist-brain perceives those tumbles as valuable data points for the “what did not work” column. She was in control, so she’s ready to try a new experiment.

If she falls when you push her, she learns to be afraid.

When we push a child too far too fast, we take away their control. Because we controlled the action, her inner science brain can’t gather accurate data on what her own body was doing. She doesn’t know why she’s suddenly on the floor, only that the experience was confusing, uncomfortable, and driven by someone else. She learns to avoid the situation in the future.

The Gentle Balance: Vygotsky and Piaget in Action

In Early Intervention, our job is to find that delicate balance between letting the child explore independently and gently guiding them to the next skill. We can root this “gentle dance” in two foundational learning theories:

1. Scaffolding within the Zone of Proximal Development (Vygotsky)

According to Lev Vygotsky, learning happens during social interactions within the Zone of Proximal Development (ZPD). The ZPD includes skills children cannot do alone but can do with help from a teacher or caregiver. Our intervention should focus here:

• Easier Scaffolding (Weight Shifting): While Little Pumpkin was on all fours, we gently rocked her bottom, showing her how to shift weight onto her arms and then onto her knees. She felt the movement without falling.
• Harder Scaffolding (Lifting a Foot): When she was standing with good balance, we gently guided her hips to shift all her weight onto one leg. When her weight was fully on her right foot, her left foot naturally lifted off the ground, showing her the sensation of taking a step without committing to a fall.

2. Trial and Error through Environmental Interaction (Piaget)

Jean Piaget taught that learning occurs when children interact with their environments through movement and sensory experiences. Little Pumpkin needed time to conduct her own experiments:

• Self-Correction: Standing at the couch, losing her balance, and then catching it again.
• Skill Refinement: Bouncing while standing, leading to better overall balance.
• Data Collection: Plopping onto her bum when her legs got tired of standing, learning her body’s limits.

Both opportunities—scaffolding the next skill and allowing for independent trial-and-error—are necessary for mastery.

A Metaphor for All of Education

The Little Pumpkin walking scenario isn’t just about gross motor skills; it’s a powerful metaphor for all learning and education.

When children learn new language, cognitive, or fine motor tasks, they are bound to fail or make errors.

• If we push children too far, too fast, and they fail, they learn to be afraid of failing.
• If we set up the environment, scaffold the next step, and guide them with patience, they will learn through their own trial and error.

As author Katherine Martinelli noted, the goal is not to throw children into the deep end, but to “preview, scaffold and support to help ensure that their kids are successful in their endeavors” (ChildMind.org, 2023).

The “dance” between leading and following a child’s exploration is unique for every family and every child. Your role as an Early Intervention therapist is to help the parent find the music and the rhythm for their own special dance.

References

Martinelli, K. (2023). When to Push Your Children and How to Know If You’re Pushing Too Hard. ChildMind.org.