Hi everyone, I’m here to share a story, a vulnerable one, about a little boy we fostered – we called him Little Monkey – and the car seat battles that tested every ounce of my parenting patience. As an early intervention provider, I’ve seen my share of challenges, but this one felt uniquely daunting.
I’m a bit nervous to share this, because talking about car seats publicly is dangerous. Everyone seems to have an opinion, and the “internet car seat police” are always ready to point out what you’re doing wrong. But this is real life, and sometimes, real life isn’t picture-perfect.
Little Monkey was a sensory seeker, a bundle of energy who craved movement and tactile input. He was also incredibly determined. On a good day, he’d simply undo his chest clip, staying put but technically unsecured. On a bad day, he’d dismantle the entire harness and suddenly climb around the car while I was driving. The terror of those moments is something I won’t forget.
Parenting is a constant tightrope walk, a series of split-second decisions where you’re forced to weigh the lesser of two evils. Is it safer to risk him being unbuckled for the minute it takes to pull over, or to use an aftermarket product that might not be officially approved, but keeps him contained for hours each week?
It forced me to ask a question that haunts many parents: how do you make difficult decisions about keeping your child safe in the car?
Carseat Desperation and the Internet Rabbit Hole
We were desperate. And like any desperate parent, I turned to the internet.
But who do you trust?
Who has the real answers?
I started with the obvious: the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA). As a federal agency, they’re the authority on car seat safety. Their website is full of resources for choosing the right car seat, ensuring proper installation, and issuing recalls.
Then, I stumbled upon “Safe in the Seat,” a website dedicated to car seat safety knowledge. It addressed the common issue of children unbuckling their chest clips.
“For most kids, the crotch buckle is too hard to undo themselves, but the chest clip? A majority of toddlers and older children can unclip their chest buckle on their own. After they do it once, some kids develop an aggravating and dangerous habit of unbuckling their chest clips on every ride.”
Safe in the Seat
Button Down Shirt Car Seat Trick
They suggested the “button-down shirt trick,” where you dress your child in a button-up shirt and button it over the harness, as a safer alternative to aftermarket clip guards.
Aftermarket Products?
“As you’ve probably read on our blog before, no aftermarket products are approved for use on a car seat. We do not recommend any products that block that chest clip, however, sometimes, we have to make non-ideal decisions if the alternative is an unsafe rider.
Don’t even consider a clip guard unless you’ve tried every other solution on this list and you’ve talked to a Certified Car Seat Safety Technician.”
Safe in the Seat
Car Seat Sensory Play: Preparation
Little Monkey’s sensory needs were a huge factor in his car seat resistance. I found valuable information from Hopebridge and Easterseals, which highlighted the challenges faced by children with sensory issues, especially those with ASD. They emphasized the importance of sensory regulation strategies, like “heavy work” activities before getting in the car.
“…these could include applying deep pressure, such as giving squeezes or hugs, eating a crunchy snack or chewing gum, drinking thick liquids like a smoothie through a straw or doing physical activity, like an obstacle course before getting into the car. These strategies are called “heavy work” and provide regulating input to the sensory systems.”
Hopebridge
“Some children with sensory processing difficulties find compression comforting. A weighted blanket or stuffed animal may provide some calming input and tell their body to relax. Weighted items are now available at most stores or online.”
Easterseals
Car Seat Sensory Play: Staying Engaged
The “Crazy in the Car – Traveling with Sensory Seekers” blog post offered 50 ideas for meeting sensory needs during travel, from auditory and visual stimulation to tactile and proprioceptive input. It was an incredible resource of practical tips.
Adaptive Car Seats and Specialized Equipment
The Indiana University School of Medicine brochure, “Car Safety for Your Child with Autism,” directly addressed the challenges faced by children with autism in car seats. It highlighted the importance of adaptive car seats with anti-escape options and provided resources for finding certified child passenger safety technicians trained in adaptive transportation.
“If your child consistently resists the use of a car seat, you may consider an adaptive car seat with anti-escape options that may help prevent your child from escaping the restraint. A few large medical seats and adaptive booster seats offer anti-escape options. These products have been crash-tested to be used with these specific large medical seats. Adaptive restraints are usually ordered following a therapist evaluation through a local durable medical equipment vendor. Insurance coverage may cover the cost if medically necessary documentation is provided. Call the National Center for the Safe Transportation of Children with Special Health Care Needs Indiana University School of Medicine at 800-543-6227 for details about adaptive restraints.”
Indiana University School of Medicine
And then there was The Car Seat Lady, who acknowledged the limitations of standard car seats for children with special needs. They recommended chest clip guards and buckle guards by Merritt for children who repeatedly escape, even though they acknowledged that manufacturers don’t approve of these aftermarket products.
“We know there are kids for whom the shirt trick simply won’t work. A 6 year old with autism or ADHD who is determined to get out of their car seat will laugh in the face of tiny buttons and have them undone in a flash.
We know how terrifying every second of the trip with children like this can be -wondering if your child has gotten unbuckled and whether you can find a safe place to pull over quickly enough before this child starts trying to open the doors, climbs into the front seat, starts unbuckling others in the car, or god forbid someone hits you.
Children with special healthcare needs who escape from their car seats continue to put themselves in great danger despite their moms and dads trying their hardest to keep them safe – and it is for these children that we recommend the chest clip guard and buckle guard by Merritt.”
The Car Seat Lady
Finally, eSpecial Needs offers adaptive car seats, harnesses, and buckle guards for children with special needs, including the EZ-ON Adjustable Zipper Vest, which is designed to prevent unauthorized opening.
Making Tough Choices
My research revealed a clear picture: standard car seat safety guidelines don’t always address the unique needs of children with developmental delays. While official recommendations emphasize discouraging aftermarket products, real-life situations sometimes demand alternative solutions.
Car Seat Struggle: What Worked For Us
For Little Monkey, we used sensory strategies with a focus on “heavy work” activities before car rides and as much as possible, provided sensory input during the ride too. (stretchy bands, fidget toys, weighted lap pad)
We tried the button shirt trick and several aftermarket products with no success.
What really made a difference was keeping him busy BEFORE he even got board:
- music that engaged him particularly dance and action songs with defined movements with the arms and hands
- toys or fidgets, always something new and different
- candy like Starburst, M&M’s or Skittles or fruit snacks one tiny piece at a time periodically for the whole ride
- the shirt and aftermarket products slowed him down and alerted me to his intent and gave me a chance to pull over and stop until he cooperated with getting back in the seat.
We didn’t know it at the time, but adaptive car seats with anti-escape features, like those from eSpecial Needs, would have been very helpful.
Ultimately, like the car seat lady said, desperate times call for desperate measures. We had to weigh the risks and benefits, and make the best decision we could with the information we had.
Lessons Learned
The most important lesson I learned is that prevention is key. When your child is actively escaping their car seat while you’re driving, you’re helpless. Focus on creating an environment that minimizes the likelihood of escape.
Here’s my advice:
- Consult with Professionals: If possible, work with an occupational therapist and a certified child passenger safety technician trained in adaptive transportation.
- Prioritize Sensory Needs: Address your child’s sensory needs before, during, and after car rides.
- Explore Adaptive Solutions: Research adaptive car seats and harnesses designed for children with special needs.
- Weigh the Risks and Benefits: If you’re considering aftermarket products, carefully weigh the risks and benefits, and consult with professionals.
Carseats on Amazon
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References
NHTSA.gov
National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. (n.d.). Home. Retrieved November 24, 2025.
Safeintheseat.com
Safe in the Seat. (n.d.). Safe in the Seat. Retrieved November 24, 2025.
Hopebridge.com Blog
Easterseals Blog
Partythroughtheusa.com Blog
IU School of Medicine PDF Brochure
Indiana University School of Medicine. (2024). Children with autism car safety [PDF].
Thecarseatlady.com Blog
The Car Seat Lady. (n.d.). Houdini. Retrieved November 24, 2025.
Especialneeds.com Product Page
Especial Needs. (n.d.). Car seats & seatbelt guards. Retrieved November 24, 2025
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